Fat

Why do people think I am sub-human because I am fat?

Back to Work

SOOoo...I started my new job on Monday, and I love it. This is such a great company, and I feel like I am doing something to help the wheels of freedom keep turning. Also, I joined Curves. I suppressed the urge to vegetate yesterday, and got my butt up off the couch and went to work out. I was so proud of myself. I REALLY am feeling old though...its been so long since I worked out, that I am stiff as heck, lol. Rich does keep telling me how old I am though....lol....I will be 32 on Thursday. I feel sometimes that that is impossible, because I still feel like I am 20, then I go workout, and voila....not so young...lol. Well bloggers, good night, and adieu.

Happy Monday!

WOW! was I in a BAD mood this weekend and this morning! Why I was so disgruntled is hard to pinpoint. I guess it was mainly because I feel like I'm stuck sometimes. Sometimes I feel like a loser being 30 years old and living with my parents. I would say still living with my parents, but I spent enough time away from 'home' that the still isn't so necessary.

This is when I realize that there are so SO many more important things out there in the world than how I or others feel about my still being 'stuck at home'. I'm sure there are plenty of people in, say, war torn countries who wish that at least one member of their family had a nice house with a good roof and could take them in. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I feel lucky that I can sleep with both eyes shut at night instead of worrying about rebels breaking into my house and raping my whole family.

Where does this rant come from in regards to dieting you ask? Well, I don't think this whole 'journey' to break out of prison (as Tracey said) is just about food. It's about getting to know myself, sorting out a lot of pent up emotions and teaching myself new habits.

Since my last post, my Grandmother passed away and things were a little hectic and needless to say all the new eating habits went out the window for about 10 days. However, that's not what's important. Falling off 'the wagon' is not nearly as significant as the ability to get back on. I read something recently that said this same thing; something like 'falling off the wagon is not a big deal, as long as you're still chasing the wagon and eager to get back on'. So now I'm back on. I went to Curves 4 times last week and tonight for the first time this week and I ate pretty good too. Oatmeal for breakfast, soup for lunch, and 'a sensible dinner' is working well for me. I have myself trained so that I don't even really consider anything else for breakfast when I'm on the way to work and so that I don't really even snack that much between breakfast and lunch or in the afternoons anymore.

See the Emme . . . Be the Emme . . .

12 lbs down....LOTS more to go

In my quest to free myself from this prison I have trapped myself in I am learning more about myself then I ever knew existed. I am not the sum of my parts, I am a whole person. One thing links to another and so on. Who would have ever guessed that losing a few pounds would open my eyes to long forgotten memories and suppressed feelings from my childhood. I wouldn't have, that's for sure. But what I can tell you is that this is going to be better for my soul then my body.

12 lbs down....LOTS more to go

In my quest to free myself from this prison I have trapped myself in I am learning more about myself then I ever knew existed. I am not the sum of my parts, I am a whole person. One thing links to another and so on. Who would have ever guessed that losing a few pounds would open my eyes to long forgotten memories and suppressed feelings from my childhood. I wouldn't have, that's for sure. But what I can tell you is that this is going to be better for my soul then my body.

Here you see it . . . the last picture I have of myself that I like enough to give out. This picture was taken in June of 2002. This point is my first goal. I'll let you know when I'm there . . .

On the bright side, I haven't had a french fry or a burger or Taco Bell since January 1st - 12 days - and I honestly don't really feel like I miss them too awfully much. It's amazing, but there seems to be an answer out there for almost any funky food craving now days. Want chocolate or ice cream? There are several good sugar free and trans fat free varieties out there. Want Taco Bell style chalupas? I found low fat (trans fat free) sour creme and cheese at the store along with wheat tortillas. Take that and add some shredded lettuce, chicken pieces, and salsa and Voila!

Good things come to those who wait and those who PERSEVERE!

FABULOSO FRIDAY!!

DUDE....I HAVE HAD A FABULOSO OF A DAY.....

THIS MORNING I WAS A LITTLE DISCOURAGED..I MEAN..MY SUGAR COUNT WAS 189..I WANTED TO CRY...THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS GO BACK ON THE MED. BUT...WHEN I CHECKED IT BEFORE LUNCH...IT WAS 119......I WENT TO WALK DURING MY AFTERNOON BREAK AND WAS FEELING A LITTLE WIERD...BY THE TIME I GOT HOME..MY BLOOD SUGAR HAD DROPPED DOWN TO 98...WHICH IS LOW FOR A GIRL WHO'S AVERAGE JUST A COUPLE WEEKS AGO WAS 350. I FELT LIKE A GIRL W/ A.D.D. I COULDNT CONCENTRATE WORTH CRAP..I WAS LIGHT HEADED AND FELT VERY DISORIENTED...IT WAS BAD..BUT AT THE SAME TIME GOOD...I MEAN...MY SUGAR WAS COMPLETELY NORMAL...IT FELT GOOD EVEN THOUGH I FELT BAD...ROFL! ANYWAY...I KNOW THAT I CAN DO THIS...I AM IN CONTROL OF THIS BODY AND IT'S SUCH A GOOD FEELING....

Why Vending Machines Are Like Jails

While on my lunch break today, I was staring at the enemy in the vending machine, and I got to thinking, vending machines bear a great similarity to jails. Why you ask? Well, lets think about jail. Generally speaking, jails hold people who have done something considered ‘bad’. How did that person get there? They are believed to have committed a crime. They were captured by the cops. They were transported to jail. They were processed and placed in a holding cell. They sat there for awhile, then someone paid some amount of money to bail them out and set them free.

Lets think about vending machines. The snack food is made, loaded with trans fats and sugar. Not that everyone in jail is ‘the enemy’, but for the rest of this post, snack food will hereby be referred to as ‘the enemy/enemies’. The vending machine guy captures the enemies and transports them to the vending machine. He opens it with a key and places the enemies inside the snack machine in their individual holding spots. Someone comes along that likes them and pays some amount of money to ‘bail’ them out of the snack machine. Just like jail, an innocent food gets placed in there with the bad ones every now and then (poor harmless animal crackers =< ) they have to make bail to be released. Luckily, most people who get put in jail don’t get eaten when they get out. LOL Anyways, maybe I don’t make sense, but the analogy helped me to say no to the enemies staring back at me from behind bars today in the break room!

See the Emme, Be the Emme

We were talking the other day about how you have to visualize a goal in order to reach it. So i decided that my goal was to be like Emme Aronson - Plus Size Supermodel extrodinaire. She is such an inspiration!

Speaking of inspiration...do you see this picture? I HATE taking pictures, I never like them, but I love this picture. It is the 1st time in a very long time that I smiled - really smiled. Out there in that water I was having so much fun. How could I not smile. Well, that's all for now. Work to do, lol.

WHEN THE SKINNY BITCH IS FREE....SHE'S FREE INDEED!!!!!!!
okay...had to get that out of my system...
Lauren signing off!
lol

AWWWW yes!

It's actual good...that I was diagnosed w/ diabetes and high blood pressure....go figure...All my life I was told by the doctors, "you are one healthy big girl Lauren, keep up the good work!" and now that I have hit age 27...I am now one sick puppy...BUT IT'S ACTUALLY GOOD! LOL
why you say? Because..it has not only helped to wake me up to my own areas that need improvement....but it has also awakened my 2 best friends in the whole world; Jennifer and Tracey whom I love dearly might I add. The doctor told me that I was averaging 350 on my sugar count...BUT today I was as low as 121. Why and how could it have dropped so low you may be asking yourself...well...Like Jennipoo stated in our first post...I eliminated poison sugars and bad carbohydrates from my diet entirely. I read in "The Sugar Solution" that High Fructose Corn Syrup is the leading cause of obesity and diabetes in today's society. I admit...Little Debbie was one of my good friends; I knew her on a personal level that no other could possibly..LOL...all my life I have had a sweet tooth; and it has gotten the best of me. WELL NO MORE! I am the one in control now. I say no to Little Debbie, no to fast foods that only hurt and not nourish this beautiful body that God gave me, and no to bad carbs that only harm in the worst ways. See, I am not just diabetic cause my eating habits; though they play a HUGE role; I am diabetic cause I am predisposed due to the good old genes...yep that's right...good old genetics...there is diabetes on both sides of my family...and it ain't a pretty sight. Not all hope is gone though; and in a short time I am seeing results in my life changes that I have made. I was diagnosed w/ diabetes 2 weeks ago; went to the doctor yesterday only to hear him tell me he was proud of me cause my sugar levels are under control and then..surprisingly he took me off the meds...but I'm still taking metphormine to protect my kidneys..cause as we all know...glucose is bad for the kidneys. The other reason my sugar levels decreased so much is because of exercise....during my break today I walked for 15minutes; and when I got home I did a 30minute taebo work out. Somethings got to give! and it did...Now I pray that it continues.
The picture in this post is me at a size 28...I am now a size 22 and it's starting to get baggy!

Jennifer's Cheese Sandwich

So I decided this evening that I wanted a cheese sandwich. Why, I don't know, but I went to the grocery store last night and bought a 7 grain bread that I hadn't yet tried. So I went into the kitchen to make a bread, cheese and light Miracle Whip sandwich. But, HORROR of HORRORS! Miracle Whip Light has HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP in it!!! Are you asking yourself the same question I'm asking myself right now? Why on earth would Light Miracle Whip have high fructose corn syrup in it? Especially the LIGHT one? Who puts syrup on a sandwich unless it's made of pancakes or has peanut butter in it? LOL Well, that's it. I suppose Light Miracle Whip is now on the list of eliminated foods. I'm taking it off of my MySpace friends, ignoring it on Yahoo Messenger and hiding my caller id when I prank call its house.

(insert good transition between paragraphs here cuz I was never really good at that)

Technically, we’re only on like day 3 of ‘eliminating bad foods’ (not a diet, a lifestyle) and I feel pretty good so far. I haven’t had any real cravings for any junk or fast food. I guess it’s really true that when you eat less crap, you crave less crap. At this point, it’s been fairly easy to ask myself “Why would I want to put majorly chemically altered food into my body?” than to say “WHY oh WHY can’t I have Krispy Kreme”. For someone who’s spent most of her adult life building a cocoon of fat in which to hide her emotional sensitivities, 3 days of no real chocolate and no fast food is a major accomplishment. More MAJOR accomplishments to come . . .

The first day...

The is the beginning, not the beginning of the end, but the beginning of the best part of our lives. We have taken control and given up those things that hold us hostage from setting the skinny girl free.
1.Fast Food
2.Sugar
3.White flour
4.Soda(except diet :)
We have decided that we are tired of being the champion for the big girl. i am done holding my head up high and "being me" i am ready to be one of those skinny bitches that I hate. So, here we go. On to the new me...