Fat

Why do people think I am sub-human because I am fat?

Back to Work

SOOoo...I started my new job on Monday, and I love it. This is such a great company, and I feel like I am doing something to help the wheels of freedom keep turning. Also, I joined Curves. I suppressed the urge to vegetate yesterday, and got my butt up off the couch and went to work out. I was so proud of myself. I REALLY am feeling old though...its been so long since I worked out, that I am stiff as heck, lol. Rich does keep telling me how old I am though....lol....I will be 32 on Thursday. I feel sometimes that that is impossible, because I still feel like I am 20, then I go workout, and voila....not so young...lol. Well bloggers, good night, and adieu.

Happy Monday!

WOW! was I in a BAD mood this weekend and this morning! Why I was so disgruntled is hard to pinpoint. I guess it was mainly because I feel like I'm stuck sometimes. Sometimes I feel like a loser being 30 years old and living with my parents. I would say still living with my parents, but I spent enough time away from 'home' that the still isn't so necessary.

This is when I realize that there are so SO many more important things out there in the world than how I or others feel about my still being 'stuck at home'. I'm sure there are plenty of people in, say, war torn countries who wish that at least one member of their family had a nice house with a good roof and could take them in. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I feel lucky that I can sleep with both eyes shut at night instead of worrying about rebels breaking into my house and raping my whole family.

Where does this rant come from in regards to dieting you ask? Well, I don't think this whole 'journey' to break out of prison (as Tracey said) is just about food. It's about getting to know myself, sorting out a lot of pent up emotions and teaching myself new habits.

Since my last post, my Grandmother passed away and things were a little hectic and needless to say all the new eating habits went out the window for about 10 days. However, that's not what's important. Falling off 'the wagon' is not nearly as significant as the ability to get back on. I read something recently that said this same thing; something like 'falling off the wagon is not a big deal, as long as you're still chasing the wagon and eager to get back on'. So now I'm back on. I went to Curves 4 times last week and tonight for the first time this week and I ate pretty good too. Oatmeal for breakfast, soup for lunch, and 'a sensible dinner' is working well for me. I have myself trained so that I don't even really consider anything else for breakfast when I'm on the way to work and so that I don't really even snack that much between breakfast and lunch or in the afternoons anymore.

See the Emme . . . Be the Emme . . .

12 lbs down....LOTS more to go

In my quest to free myself from this prison I have trapped myself in I am learning more about myself then I ever knew existed. I am not the sum of my parts, I am a whole person. One thing links to another and so on. Who would have ever guessed that losing a few pounds would open my eyes to long forgotten memories and suppressed feelings from my childhood. I wouldn't have, that's for sure. But what I can tell you is that this is going to be better for my soul then my body.

12 lbs down....LOTS more to go

In my quest to free myself from this prison I have trapped myself in I am learning more about myself then I ever knew existed. I am not the sum of my parts, I am a whole person. One thing links to another and so on. Who would have ever guessed that losing a few pounds would open my eyes to long forgotten memories and suppressed feelings from my childhood. I wouldn't have, that's for sure. But what I can tell you is that this is going to be better for my soul then my body.

Here you see it . . . the last picture I have of myself that I like enough to give out. This picture was taken in June of 2002. This point is my first goal. I'll let you know when I'm there . . .

On the bright side, I haven't had a french fry or a burger or Taco Bell since January 1st - 12 days - and I honestly don't really feel like I miss them too awfully much. It's amazing, but there seems to be an answer out there for almost any funky food craving now days. Want chocolate or ice cream? There are several good sugar free and trans fat free varieties out there. Want Taco Bell style chalupas? I found low fat (trans fat free) sour creme and cheese at the store along with wheat tortillas. Take that and add some shredded lettuce, chicken pieces, and salsa and Voila!

Good things come to those who wait and those who PERSEVERE!

FABULOSO FRIDAY!!

DUDE....I HAVE HAD A FABULOSO OF A DAY.....

THIS MORNING I WAS A LITTLE DISCOURAGED..I MEAN..MY SUGAR COUNT WAS 189..I WANTED TO CRY...THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS GO BACK ON THE MED. BUT...WHEN I CHECKED IT BEFORE LUNCH...IT WAS 119......I WENT TO WALK DURING MY AFTERNOON BREAK AND WAS FEELING A LITTLE WIERD...BY THE TIME I GOT HOME..MY BLOOD SUGAR HAD DROPPED DOWN TO 98...WHICH IS LOW FOR A GIRL WHO'S AVERAGE JUST A COUPLE WEEKS AGO WAS 350. I FELT LIKE A GIRL W/ A.D.D. I COULDNT CONCENTRATE WORTH CRAP..I WAS LIGHT HEADED AND FELT VERY DISORIENTED...IT WAS BAD..BUT AT THE SAME TIME GOOD...I MEAN...MY SUGAR WAS COMPLETELY NORMAL...IT FELT GOOD EVEN THOUGH I FELT BAD...ROFL! ANYWAY...I KNOW THAT I CAN DO THIS...I AM IN CONTROL OF THIS BODY AND IT'S SUCH A GOOD FEELING....